Most of this offers good advice (h/t Christina Daigle on FB): don’t have titles that are too punny or silly, really pay attention to your abstract and first couple of pages, realize if you cite someone and we editors need ideas for reviewers, they might be used first, etc. But I would say the first rule is to read the darn journal before submitting–it’s amazing how many desk rejects are just simply because it’s not a fit for what the journal publishes. This below is a bit strong:
Do not — repeat, do not — complain to the editor about the reader reports you receive. (Find a friend, a mentor, or a therapist for that.)
Don’t complain, but you can defend your work without being defensive: give an argument (we try, but don’t always screen well bad reports), but don’t pretend editors won’t roll their eyes when you suggest your work is simply being oppressed by mean referees.